Archive for love
{ August 12, 2008 @ 4:32 am }
·
{ family, love, random }
{ Tags: alaska, dream, friends, god, home, hurt, kentucky, pain, school, single, stupid }
·
{ }
Ok, so i recently told a guy that ive been friends with for like ever, that i really like him. Why did i have to be so stupid? huh? anyone got an answer to that? Now the conversations between us have just died. I know that if i keep talking to him, and keep working through it, that it will go back to normal. ugh. I just closed the web cam view of him, cause it just hurts to much to keep looking at him, knowing that he doesnt feel the same way about me. WTH am i supposed to do. I really do wanna keep talking to him.
On top of all this, i’ve now lived in alaska for about a month. I really miss home and my friends. School has already started back home, and i feel lost not being in school. I wanna be around my friends, the people who love me, not the people who really could care less about me. I miss them so much that i had a dream about them, we were all sitting around the table that we always sat at. the majority of us seniors were all talking about the senior prank. I miss them so much, god why does it have to hurt so much?
It so sucks being single… oh well that i can live with. but will the pain ever go away from losing my friends and feeling stupid? i sure hope so, and i know it will, time heals all right?
{ April 9, 2008 @ 2:42 pm }
·
{ love }
{ Tags: bilal, college, guys, Jeffery, Mickey, nerve, Picture, relationship, safe, sexy, shapes, silly, special, stress }
·
{ }
Ok, so if you dont remember me going off about Mickey i would go back and read the post called stupid guys. well my feelings towards mickey has changed, i mean i never hated him, i hated that he made me feel like just another girl up on his list of things to do. ” oops, well i gotta mark that one off”. Well we have started talk again, and it makes me feel bad that i said that he was the bad kind of guy, what i should have said is that its bad to have a long distance relationship with someone who you might never see, and well i think that kinda added on to the pressure. anyway… We’ve been talking and well he makes me feel special, i think that even if , and i doubt this at the moment, i am just another girl or thing to mark off on his list that im just gonna go with the flow, i mean, if stuff happens then it happens, im gonna try and be ok with anything. well i fall into the category of girls that can’t make up their minds. oh well.
He made me feel awsome when he told me that he thought about me all the time, and that he had missed talking to me. It made me feel bad because i had been ignoring him. But i found out that he wrote a song about me, and also that i’m his background on his computer, lol i made him change the picture, the one he had made me look eightish, lol. Omg he makes me wanna be with him, he says stuff that just makes me want to go down there to college, lol and that would be a big change considering that i dont like heat, and its close to the equator. lol, heat city. i would die. but i think i would seriously go down there for him. if he asked me i would do almost anything for him. and i know that sounds kinda silly but i honestly have never felt this way for anyguy.
ok well on to the update of two guys at once. Well Bilal is having trouble with his college decission, and its really stressing him out, and we havnt talking in a few days, it kinda scares me, that maybe its something i said. But maybe he has to make this decission on his own, i just wish i could help. I also havnt talked to Jeffery in a while ever since i told him about my mom drinking and then her decission to give it up, he really helped me through that. I miss talking to him, even if it was just as a friend.
Ok so there is this guy at my school who invited me to a party and then said that if i came i needed to make sure that i had enough condoms to out last him, i was just kinda appauled. I mean he is one of my friends. then he had the nerve to say that i was cute, and nice, had a great voice but he wouldnt want a relationship with me he would just want to fuck me. Him and almost every guy made my day even worse. then i came home and started talking to mickey and he made everything else better. it just kinda helped. He said that he would be on all night but he wasnt, it was kinda hard to have a convo with him but oh well. when i did talk to him he made it all better. Oh well. well i think this is a long enough post, so i guess until something else happens im gonna go.
Until next time, besafe.
Becka Elyse
{ March 23, 2008 @ 6:04 pm }
·
{ love }
{ Tags: bad, bilal, crying, girl, girl in need, good, guy, Jeffery, laugh, life, like, lol, love, mad, Mickey, middle, stupid guys, violence }
·
{ }
Ok do you know the song stupid girls, well this is titled stupid guys, lol, it really doesnt have anything to do with my post I just thought it was kinda funny. oh well. So i’ve known this guy Mickey for about two years. He recently has been saying oh i love you sweety, and i wanna be with you, your all i think about, i want to see your smile every morning when i wake up. Ok you can throw up now, please throw up for me. I started to beleive him, and last night he said ” We just need to stay friends for now, and maybe … maybe later we can try to be together”. WELL the nerve, he just kinda ripped part of my heart out, and doesnt even care. He kept talking like nothing had happened, i was crying and he just kept talking. This is where i get stupid guys from. Am I just so gullible that this keeps happening to me, or are most guys just asses like this? I know some of you, that might glance at this will disagree that guys are like this, and some will agree that guys are like this. But anyway. I just dont get it. Do they get joy out of hurting girls? Ok well to please everyone i have and example of each, bad. middle, and good guys… Mickey (bad), Bilal (middle), and Jeffery(good). Bilal, is the guy from cincy that I’ve mentioned before, he said that he was going to be with me while i went through something that was going to be hard for me to do, but he cancled at the last minute, but hey thats fine, i survived, i cried but hey its all good. Now Jeffery, he is just there for me when ever i need him, we talk all the time, we give eachother advice on the oppisite gender, ive almost confessed to him that i like him, and he almost did the same. he said that when he gets his car that hes gonna come down here and we’re gonna hang out, i cant wait. I talked to him last night about what mickey said becasue he was wondering why my tone had changed, he said it made him mad, lol it made me sad. he also said that if anyone hurt me that he would want to hurt them for me, i told him that i dont like violence, he said he doesnt either but if someone hurt me then he was gonna hurt them. Jeffery also found out that i fell and hurt myself several times, he seemed really worried. we get into arguements about our apperances, what we think of each other is not how we see ourselves, so we argue and try o disprove the other, its hillarious. Its amazing he knows just how to make me laugh, but the only problem is that he seems to like alot of girls, not that i have a problem with that cause i like a lot of guys myself, but when he goes out with them and they break up he says alot of stuff about them, and then the next day hes says he misses them and loves them still, but then he forgets them. I just dont want to be another girl on his list, i feel like ive been just another girl on every guys list, and it hurts after a while, i dont know how long i can keep strong while guys run through me.
{ March 6, 2008 @ 6:39 pm }
·
{ love }
{ Tags: bilal, cincy, love }
·
{ }
Ok so Bilal, the guy from cincy, is at camp this week, but i cant stop thinking about him. So we have been sending back and forth before he went to camp, oh and text messages. ok so in one of my text messages i sent him i said good night and talk to you in the moring, and he sent back ” night baby talk to you in the moring and love ya” i was about to melt. It makes me smile everytime i think about it, but i cant talk to him because my number has been shut off and hes not here, so its not lack of trying. I wrote him a poem about what we had been talking about and sent it to him, but he hasnt been on to see it, i have a huge feeling that he isnt going to like. well class is starting so i will get off here
thanks for reading and until next time besafe.
becka
{ February 18, 2008 @ 1:01 pm }
·
{ love }
{ Tags: life, love, prince charming, rant, romance }
·
{ }
OK. So I had a dream last night, and it made me realize that there aren’t many prince Charming’s in this world any more. You all know the kind of man I’m talking about, the one where he is OK kissing you on the forehead, will bring you roses for no reason, and if you don’t like roses the your favorite flower. Is it silly to want one of those romanticises that are in the movies? Is it silly to want the man in your life whose arms you fit into perfectly? Apparently it is, because i don’t see any prince charming coming to sweep me off my feet. Maybe I just haven’t met him yet. But my question is, is there one out there for everyone?
I have been in relationships where its only me giving, or where the only physical/no sexually contact we have is where he is hitting me. I mean come on, i know there are a lot of stories worse then mine, but if i don’t deserve a prince charming, then i hope all the women out there who have had it worse then me get lots of them because i think they would make everything betterjust by holding you in his arms and kissing you on the forehead.
Ok this has been my rant on price charming for a while atleast.
Thanks for reading and be safe.
{ February 17, 2008 @ 8:13 pm }
·
{ love }
{ Tags: catholic, guys, love, story, trust }
·
{ }
Well. There is this guy in my school who i used to tutor, he is really sweet, kind, and cute. I recently asked him out, he said that he didnt know because he was a bad boyfriend, and i think that he is trying to let me down easy. I think i have come to terms with that. Then there is this other guy in my precal class, he is a football player. They both happen to share the same name, and they both know that i like them. I dont really think that either one of them like me.
So there is another guy in Cincy, and for anyone that doesnt know where cincy is, it is cincinati. He is really sweet, we talk alot, yes it may just be through email, but he said that we should chill sometime, and i really want to. i thnk im gonna meet him at the rembhrant exibit in the cincy museam, but i havent run it by him yet. i was thinking that my family was going any way, and that way it would be in public, so no danger. he would also be close so yeah. And he may just want to be friends. (the story of my life) I am the girl who is ok to be friends with but not ok to date.
So between the two rays and the bilal, im guy crazy, and im ok with that statment. A while back i was about to give up on love and maybe join a convent, although im not catholic.
Guys havent always treated me the right way, so i dotn really trust them, i know i need to work on it. well i guess i gotta go. until next time, thanks for reading, and be safe.
